We all know one. We’ve all seen one. And at one time or another, we’ve probably all been one.
But what is it that makes one?
To explore them more deeply, we need to understand their origins.
Becoming a Dickhead happens quickly,
Often it’s through a cruel or inhumane act.
Whether it’s elevating oneself by knocking someone else down,
Or treading on someone’s neck as a step-up.
Thinking so little of yourself that the only way to feel better is to make others feel worse,
Or thinking so highly of yourself that you believe you are above any consequences of your actions, or just don’t care.
That makes a Dickhead,
But to remain one takes work.
Being a complete Dickhead is to do these things consistently, without a second thought.
Because to a Dickhead, the world exists simply to serve them,
And actions of cruelty, of harm, and self-centred single-mindedness are just par-for-the-course on the path to their goals.
A Dickhead is someone who exists without a desire to grow, to better themselves, and be a force for good or positive change in the lives of others…
A Dickhead is someone who exists without a desire to grow, to better themselves, and be a force for good or positive change in the lives of others –
To a Dickhead, life is for them and them alone.
They are someone who sees themselves as the only person deserving of happiness and respect,
And will take those things away from as many others as it takes if it means having it as their own.
To a Dickhead, anything good in this world is finite; and needs to be claimed in competition with others,
Fought for to have as theirs and theirs alone.
A Dickhead is someone who, feeling voiceless and unheard,
Resorts to spewing hurtful or provocative things –
Purely for some semblance of human interaction.
Self-serving, narcissistic, and endlessly toxic;
A Dickheads ability to taint the things around them knows no ends.
And the worst part?
A Dickhead’s complete and utter inability to realise that they are – in fact – a Dickhead.
Infuriating as it may be, too often we find ourselves becoming obsessed with these Dickheads,
Whether we’re spending our time trying constantly to hold a mirror up to them and their actions,
Or arguing endlessly with them.
We spend so long on them, that we have no time left to focus on what’s important,
When in reality, our time is better served by not giving oxygen to their slow-leaking poison,
Our time is better spent instead viewing their lives as a warning of what not to do.
Because when our lives revolve around fighting their negativity,
Trying to make them see their flaws, and change them,
We can too easily fall into their trap, and find ourselves obsessively running in circles.
When our actions become purely just reciprocating the hatred they spew,
By spewing it right back,
Then we become not so different from them.
As a world, and as a society, we need to stop giving airtime to Dickheads.
We need to stop wasting our energy trying to show them the error of their ways,
Banging our heads against the brick wall that is their inability and indifference to change.
Because too often we spend all our time and energy telling people they’re Dickheads, when really, they just don’t care.
Often times it instead makes them believe that being labelled a Dickhead is a valid personality trait,
And they begin to revel in it.
It becomes their identity, their Dickhead-ery grows, and they work on being worse –
Thriving on the reactions of others.
Believing that the only path left available for them is to fight, to be the person that is hated,
A lightning rod for the negativity and opinions of others,
And so more of a caricature they become.
Believing that by labelling themselves as ‘freedom fighters’ and ‘brave’ that their badness has purpose.
When in truth they are just the sum of their worst traits, projected in front of us to see.
So the darker their own world becomes,
As they strive to top their toxicity each day.
But instead of spending our time wheeling out the same old piece attacking Dickheads who probably won’t even know the piece is about them,
Let alone read it;
We can instead move them on, turn them off, and remove their power,
Focusing on ourselves, on being better, and working on becoming our best selves in an effort to never become one of ‘them’.
It’s inescapable, at one point in our lives, that in someone else’s eyes, we are or have been a Dickhead.
Because in everyone’s life there’s a misstep or a stumble,
A single mistake or a shameful streak.
Whether it comes from a joke going awry,
Involving ourselves in something we didn’t understand,
Or an action we take that hits someone poorly.
We’ve messed up,
We’ve hurt someone,
And even if it came with the best of intentions,
We’re on track to becoming a Dickhead.
But a Dickhead doesn’t come from just one mistake, it’s one followed by another, then another,
Without apology or a guide to follow the light on your way back.
We’ve messed up – sure,
We may be a Dick,
But there is always a way out.
Because if your heart is held in a good place, and your intentions are altruistic,
You needn’t be a Dickhead,
This doesn’t need to be your final destination.
There is always the ability to clean up your own mess,
And make amends for the hurt.
And to make good.
Because this is where we separate ourselves from the Dickheads,
With our ability to learn, to grow, and to redeem ourselves.
It’s all too easy to dismiss someone as a Dickhead.
To judge them on a bad action, or a series of them,
And write them off for good.
But where there is sincerity,
And the ability to admit failings,
When there is work done to better oneself,
And steps are taken to mend a bridge – however badly it may be burned,
We need to take that for what it is –
Whilst there may still be Dickhead-ish traits inside – however unwelcome they may be,
That’s the human condition.
But more important than thinking we’ve somehow gone permanently wrong at some point,
Is to acknowledge that whilst we may have, or have had these traits,
We can admit that we have done things we may not now be proud of,
That we are actively working away from the worst parts of ourselves.
Working to no longer be that person who hurts others,
Or the one who is always the first to criticise.
To stop being that person who speaks before they think,
Or the person who, quite simply, has just royally fucked up.
Because someone who is growing and learning from their errors – isn’t a Dickhead.
We should allow and be allowed to make mistakes,
To apologise for them,
To clean up the mess we made with them,
And to move on, moving forward from them.
It’s the ones who don’t see their mistakes as mistakes,
And who refuse to take responsibility for how their actions have affected others,
That deserve to be left on the shelf.
Because our world thrives when we encourage people to redeem themselves,
Taking them for who they are today,
And judging them on who they are in this moment.
It takes a Dickhead to live in their flaws, unwaveringly,
But someone who seems themselves as a work-in-progress at all times,
As someone who is flawed, but is far more than just their mistakes,
Striving to be the best version of themselves,
That’s what the world needs more of.
And whilst misdeeds will never be celebrated,
And pain and damage caused won’t ever be swept under the carpet.
If we listen with open ears, and embrace people with open hearts,
We can focus on people’s good,
Instead of instinctively zeroing in on their mistakes.
We can empower people with the strength to make peace with others, and themselves, and watch the world heal…
We can empower people with the strength to make peace with others,
And with themselves,
And watch the world heal.
Life’s too short to be a Dickhead,
To wake up angry every day,
To be pointing fingers and filling ourselves with hatred before we’ve even stepped foot out of bed.
And in a world where our energy is already spread thin enough,
Spending it all on hatred and anger is energy wasted.
It’s time we realised that the ‘us vs them’ narrative isn’t going to work long term,
And that spending day after day dividing ourselves,
And shouting from our opposing sides won’t achieve anything.
And in this world where we’d rather tell people they’re doing something wrong than working out how to do it right,
Where mistakes are black marks,
And political preferences are treated like sports teams,
We need to learn to open ourselves up again, and come back together.
Because at some point, we’re going to realise that the further we drift apart from one another,
The more toxic the world will become.
And the harder it will be to ever move forward and reconnect.
But good will always be infinitely more powerful than bad,
So we need to celebrate the small, consistent acts of good in our world,
And realise that the irrevocably bad among us are far more rare than we may believe.
Because our one bad day doesn’t define us,
What we do day-in, day-out says so much more,
And we need to start looking at the great 364,
Instead of the 1 bad day.
Dickheads – God bless them,
Long shall we pity them,
And may they forever be a cautionary tale of a life not lived.