“I used to live in the darkness…I found a rainbow”

When I stopped running from my rainbow, and allowed it to become a part of who I was, proudly, a whole new world opened up before me. In all the colours of the rainbow, I found the parts of myself that I had kept hidden for so long, and I was able to see, and to enjoy, the true beauty of life for the first time.

In red I was able to find love. True, deep love like nothing I had ever been able to feel before. I felt it first within myself, loving the parts of me that I had hated for so long, and then being able to find love in others. Because without first giving love to myself, there was no way that I could ever give it to someone else in a healthy and true way. By loving me, I was then able to find someone else who’d love me too. No more hiding. Just real, true love out for the world to see.

In yellow I was able to find the light. I rediscovered the joy and happiness that I had inside of myself, and reintroduced it back into my life. When I stepped out from the darkness I had been keeping myself locked in for so long, I was able to see all that I had kept myself from, to see all that I had been missing, and it shone bright! There was light to be shared, happiness to be found, and joy to be felt – and by letting go of the darkness, I was able to step into the light, and revel in its warmth.

In pink I found me. In its hues I found the ability to be who I was, free from apologies. By no longer attempting to conform to the expectations of others, I found that I was able to finally be the man I wanted to be in the world. No longer trying desperately to shrink myself, in a bid to appease those whose opinions I feared most. Because to me, being a man means being someone who backs themselves above all else, who finds the ability to stand tall and true, and doesn’t spend their time trying endlessly to be the man they think the world expects them to be.
Real men wear pink, proudly.

In green I was able to foster growth. I was able to nurture the relationships I had with those around me, and enjoy the bounty that was produced. With more life inside of myself, I was able to give more to others, and see relationships with those that I loved grow and blossom. I could finally be the partner, friend, child, sibling that I had always wanted to be, and be someone who spread that outwards, finally giving back, and helping those in my life grow into the versions of themselves they wanted to be.

In purple I was able to find my individuality and my power. In it I found the ability to stand up for myself, confident within my abilities and my individuality, and tackle life head-on. No longer a shrinking violet, I found the energy and the confidence to go after what I wanted, with the new-found knowledge that I too deserved happiness, and that I had the power within myself to seek and work towards the life I had always envisaged for myself.

In blue I was able to accept all my emotions in their many shades, from the darkest to the lightest. Accepting the days when a dark blue would consume me, and knowing that I could make it through. I was able to accept and make peace with my past, and move through it and on from it. Because by accepting the darkness, you have the ability to turn it into something that is no longer ominous and threatening. When you remove something from the shadows, no longer trying to keep it hidden, the anxiety of what may be lurking in the dark, can finally disappear. By embracing all shades of blue, I could finally see that even the darkest of nights can soon resemble a clear blue sky.

And in orange I saw the dawn of a new day. I saw a life filled to the brim with opportunities and a sense of excitement that I hadn’t felt for a long, long time. In it I found the ability to wake up, and see each day as a chance for a new start, and face it with a renewed sense of hope and optimism. In orange I could see the sun setting on past grievances, past misery, my past life, and rising as I took my first step into a lighter, brighter future. With hope again on the horizon.

In all seven colours, I was able to find the one that fit me just right. In my rainbow I was able to find my true colours. I learned to love all parts of myself, the good and the bad, in their many hues, and have pride in the person I was. Learning that even on the darkest of days, when the rain falls heavy, or the night feels never-ending, a rainbow will soon be on its way.

Happy #IDAHOBIT